The Love Dare

This week I'd like to highly recommend a book--The Love Dare, by Stephen and Alex Kendrick. 

From the back cover:

Though unconditional love is promised at weddings, it is rarely practiced in real life. As a result, romantic hopes often fade into disappointment at home. But it doesn't have to stay that way.

Whether your marriage is hanging by a thread or healthy and strong, this 40-day journey (featured in the hit movie Fireproof) challenges husbands and wives to understand and practice unconditional love. If you desire greater intimacy, friendship, and fulfillment in your marriage, let it begin where millions have started. With a dare.

From the inside flap:

Receive this as a warning.

This forty-day journey cannot

be taken lightly.

It is a challenging and often

difficult process, but an incredibly 

fulfilling one. To take this dare

requires a resolute mind and a

steadfast determination.

It is not meant to be sampled or briefly

tested, and those who quit early will

forfeit the greatest benefits. If you

will commit to a day at a time for forty

days, the results could change your

life and your marriage.

Consider it a dare, from others

who have done it before you.

If your marriage is healthy, this dare can make it ever better.

If your marriage is struggling, this dare can bring new life.

If your marriage is considered doomed, this dare can be the miracle you seek.

My hope and prayer is that you'll read The Love Dare, and put each chapter into action. I also hope you'll take the time to watch Fireproof. I've posted the movie trailer below.

Until next time...

Hit It and Quit It

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Have you ever heard the term, "Hit it and quit it?" I hadn't until I listened to The Problem with Pineapples. In today's dating culture, there are many people who have no desire for a serious relationship. They're just interested in swiping right, then having sex and moving on. Thus the term, "hit it and quit it."

After reading this post, you may think I'm lame, boring, out of it, or whatever. And maybe all of that is true. But I'm ok with that. I am SO thankful that throughout my marriage crisis, I've never given in to the temptation to sleep around. Had I done so, it would've not only further damaged my family, it would've damaged my soul. 

When we're being rejected by the one person who promised to be with us for life, the hurt runs so deep. Instinctively, we may think, "Wait a minute! He's rejecting me. Let me hop in the sack with someone else to prove I've still got it going on."

No matter how desperate your situation is, I beg of you, please don't do this. If you're already doing it, I hope and pray you'll stop and reconsider.

I knew of a couple who kept doing this to each other in a sick cycle of adultery. He cheated on her. Then she cheated on him. Then he cheated on her. It was a sad game of one-upping each other in a very negative way. And they had a child at home!

Kids' hearts are fragile, and so are ours. I'm highly respected by my sons, and their respect is precious to me. No "one night stand," or "swipe right" guy is worth losing that.

Ladies, it's safe to say there are plenty of guys who will pounce on someone who is going through a dark and vulnerable time with her husband. Same with women who have no problem snagging a married man in order to soothe their own loneliness and insecurity. None of it will end well.

Please resist this temptation of seeking love and affection from someone outside your marriage. I can't think of a man or woman who was ever glad they sought validation this way. It only leads to deeper heartache.

Me, I've chosen to bask in the love of the One Who will never leave me nor forsake me. I'm being ever-filled with love, with enough to overflow onto others.

My hope and prayer is that none of us...men or women...will succumb to being the subject of a drive by "hit it and quit it." We're worth much more than that.

Until next time...

Forgive, Pray, Forward

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There's quite a bit of turmoil going on in my family right now. My boys and I, the four of us, are solid. My oldest son says we're like four wheels of a car, moving together in unison. I love that imagery. But where their dad is concerned, there's definitely darkness and division.

Too often in prayer I ramble on and do all the talking. But sometimes, when I stop my rambling (and let's be honest--complaining), I feel as if God is speaking directly to me. Words float in my mind that are not from me. They couldn't be. 

Recently, these words came to me in a moment of quiet listening:

Forgive him

Pray for him

Look forward

Forgive Him

I've blogged about this before. And I'm totally up front with you when I say this is my biggest struggle. Thankfully, I don't have to do this on my own or in my own power. I pray over it. I ask God to help me forgive. I don't want to carry that heavy baggage wherever I go. Does he deserve my forgiveness? That's not the question. Have I been commanded to do it? Yes.

Pray for Him

I've blogged about this before as well. The Bible says, "bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you." (Luke 6:28) This is soooo hard to do (right up there with forgiveness). When my negative thoughts turn to blaming, bitterness, judgement, and anger, that's when I know it's time to shut off that junk and pray for him. Does he deserve my prayer? That's not the question. Have I been commanded to do it? Yes.

Look Forward

Ah, here is where things get interesting. For so long I've been praying for healing and restoration, despite my circumstances. Little by little, though, God has been working on me. He's teaching me to stop looking behind, and to instead look forward. My precious son sent me this verse one day: 

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." 

--Jeremiah 29:11-13

Prosper me, not harm me. Hope and a future. These are gifts that this faith journey has given me. First of all, I've been blessed with a son who sends me that verse! But I've been blessed with this beautiful faith that reminds me to live with expectancy.

Wherever you are in your own journey, whether it's in the beginning--in the "what the heck just happened" phase--or somewhere else down the road, here's my advice: pray. But don't just tell God all your problems. He already knows. Come to Him with your hurts and concerns, and He will give you rest. But also come to Him and listen. Get quiet, and wait. See what He plants in your heart.

Until next time...

SaveSave

Replace the Dirty Water

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If you've followed this blog for any amount of time, you'll notice that I often link to other resources. Not just any resources, but resources rooted in faith and healing. Why is that? It's because I've found such solace and comfort in filling myself up with what is good. I crave it more than chocolate (and if you know me, you know that's really saying something).

I can't remember the source, but I loved this imagery:

Think of your hurting hearts, minds, and souls as a glass of dirty water. Grab a spoon and try sifting out the dirt. You can't. The dirt is so blended in with the water, you can't sift through it. Now set the spoon aside. Place that same glass of dirty water beneath the faucet and turn the water on. Clean water now fills the glass until it overflows. As more and more clean water pours in, the dirty water becomes lighter and lighter until it's clear.

For me, filling myself with what's good has been a vital part of my growth and healing. If I were filling myself with negative stuff, I'd be in a totally different place.

Before my husband left us, I used to listen to country music all the time. I love country music, don't get me wrong, but when you're hurting? It's awful. I'd hear a song about how much a guy loves a girl. Then I'd be sad because that's not my life. Boo hoo. Then I'd hear a song about how love went wrong, and their heart is broken. Then I'd be sad because that is my life. Boo hoo. It was a lose/lose situation.

I used to read fiction books all the time. Mostly romances, or thrillers with a romance sub-plot. Also dangerous! Now I read books that inspire me, give me hope, and lift my heart and soul. 

I used to browse through social media all the time, envious of the wives whose husbands love them. Envious of the families that remained together. Heartbroken instead of happy for all the smiling faces. Now I avoid social media completely. It's not reality, so why fill myself with it?

I read devotionals every day. I listen to podcasts whenever I hike. I listen to inspirational messages while I'm driving. That faucet of clear water is constantly being poured in, counter-acting the muddy water that used to define my thinking.

Whether you click over to my links or not, my hope and prayer is that you're filling yourself up with what is good. Pour clean water in, and little by little the muddy water will be forced out.

Until next time...

Goodbye, Nest

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Have you heard about how eagles teach their young to fly? They push them out of the nest! Good grief, that seems harsh, doesn't it?

When I reflect back on the past few years, I can see this process taking place in my own life. If my husband hadn't left, I never would've ventured forth and taken risks like I do now. I wouldn't have clung to God in faith. I wouldn't have gone on a mission trip or started this blog. I wouldn't have taken the courageous step of starting a new career at 50. All of this happened because the comfortable nest I'd relied upon was plucked away.

I can become quite stuck in my ways. It takes a stick of dynamite to make me move. I enjoy stability and comfort just as much as the next gal. But when we're comfortable, we aren't growing. We're stagnant. Boy, have I been there.

Joyce Meyer (one of my favorite teachers) wrote the following devotional. I'll copy and paste it here for easy reference, but if you're struggling in ANY area of your life, or if you're looking to be inspired or become a blessing to someone else, I highly recommend you stroll around her web site. 

From Joyce Meyer:

Nudged Out of the Nest

As an eagle that stirs up her nest, that flutters over her young, He spread abroad His wings and He took them, He bore them on His pinions. —Deuteronomy 32:11

Baby eagles spend the first three months of their lives in the comfortable nest their parents have prepared. But the eaglets get a big surprise when they are about twelve weeks old. Their mother suddenly begins to throw all of their toys out of the nest.

Next, she begins to pull out all of the comfortable material in the nest—the feathers and the animal fur—and leaves the babies sitting on thorns and sticks. This is what the Bible means when it mentions that the mother eagle “stirs up her nest.” The reason she stirs the nest is that she wants her babies to get out and fly.

Before long, the mother eagle begins to nudge them out of the nest. The little eaglets, who have no idea how to fly, fall through the sky, probably very frightened. Soon, though, they hear a “whoooooooosh” as the mother eagle swoops up under them to catch them. At that point, the mother eagle takes the babies right back up to the nest and then nudges them out again. She keeps repeating the process, over and over again, until they finally understand that they have no choice but to fly.

The mother eagle does this because she loves them and wants them to have the best lives they can possibly have. Most eaglets won’t get out of the nest without this push. Similarly, most of us will also choose comfort over challenge unless we have no choice at all.

Do you feel God is working in your life the same way the mother eagle does with her young? Has He been pulling some of the padding out of your nest so you find yourself sitting on prickly branches? Is He saying to you, “Come on, it is time to fly”? If so, remember the mother eagle’s intentions and know that you can trust God’s good intentions for you.

If you're afraid to leave your nest, I totally understand. My hope and prayer is that you'll take that leap of faith, knowing your Heavenly Father is there to catch you and help you fly.

Until next time...

"Every Storm is a School"

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"Every storm is a school." -- Rick Warren

In his podcast, "How to Deal with Difficulty, Part 2," Rick Warren says, "Every storm is a school." I like that. It's a fresh reminder that during all seasons of life--the good and not so good--there is something we can learn. It's true that we seem to learn the most from the trials in life, though.

I'll paraphrase one of Warren's blunt statements: during a storm, don't give up. Grow up.

Boy, did I have a lot of growing up to do. And I still have a long way to go. But thankfully I'm not where I used to be.

When dealing with difficulty, Warren gives us some advice on what to do and what not to do. I'll list them below, and add my own personal reflections.

What should we do?

1. Determine the reason for the difficulty. What made it happen? Was it my cruelty? My indifference? My neglect? My pride? My selfishness? My insecurity? This is still an ongoing process for me. Even though my situation wasn't primarily caused by me, it's definitely been eye-opening to search my own heart for my share in the results. 
2. What does God want me to learn through this? This is the whole "school" part of being in a storm. As I've opened my heart and mind to how I need to change, it's been a painful but necessary transformation. I'm confident God isn't finished with me yet! Thankfully, He's a patient, tender Teacher. I'm grateful for how far I've come, knowing it's a lifelong journey.
3. Determine my response. Will I allow this to make me bitter? Or better? We can either become who God created us to be, or we can shrivel up and become hard-hearted. I choose to become better.

What should we not do?

1. Drift. No goal, no purpose, no growth. We're coasting, and as Warren says, "When you're coasting, you're going downhill." Sometimes we're so knocked off our center of balance, it takes a little while to gain footing again. That's ok.
2. Discard. It's tempting during a storm to abandon values and relationships. Warren says, "It's easier to cop out than to develop character." If you're still eye-balling that escape hatch of marriage called "divorce," close it. It is not God's will for us to run from a difficult situation. He wants us to learn and grow.
3. Despair. Don't give up. Even in the storm, God is in control.

My sincere hope is that you'll listen to parts 1, 2 and 3 of Warren's series about dealing with difficulty. Such wise counsel.

Ultimately, my prayer is that no matter what you're going through today, you won't give up. Ever.

Until next time...

Why Me? Why You? Why This Trial?

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Why me?

I'm gonna guess that most of us have asked this question during times of trial and discouragement. Hope seems lost. My world is falling apart. Everyone around me seems to blissfully have their act together.

Why this trial? 

I'm a decent person. Not perfect, but kind. Plenty of mistakes in my past, but plenty of goodness, too. Many times I've laid in bed staring at the ceiling, or sat at work staring at the computer screen wondering why?

Pondering and reasoning cause confusion, and I'm so guilty of stepping into that trap. But sometimes I get a small glimpse of the why. Like when I read Why Trials? by James MacDonald.

I've learned that God allows trials. Even if He didn't cause them, He can use them for our good.

I've often wondered if God caused this trial in my life. Or was it the enemy working against me? Or is it nothing spiritual, but simply my own mistakes that led to this? Or was my whole life with my husband a big, fat mistake? Were we never meant to meet in the snack line during middle school? Those two times I broke up with him but got back together--were those mistakes I should've avoided?

See how confusion and reasoning can become a trap?

Anyway, whatever the cause of my trial, and whatever the cause of your trial, trials can improve our conduct and our character. Here are some snippets from MacDonald's post about Why Trials?:

"A trial is a painful circumstance allowed by God to change my conduct and my character. My conduct—that’s what I do. And then on a deeper level, my character—that’s who I am. Trials signal that God is making adjustments in my actions and my spirit. Several biblical terms are actually interchangeable: trials, suffering, hardship, tribulation, chastising, and discipline. Trials are hard times!"

"Here’s the unalterable fact: Pain is often a central part of God’s purpose in this world. God allows and sometimes even causes pain in our lives. It’s one of the tools He uses to get stubborn sheep to greener pasture."

"Far from abandoning us when we’re going through difficult trials, God moves toward us. He’s not folding His arms; He’s rolling up His sleeves. He’s getting ready to do something in your life that you haven’t previously been willing to let Him do. In fact, trials are proof of love.

Never forget this: When God allows you to experience trials, His motivation is love. His eyes are upon you. His attention is toward you. This is biblical love—a love that’s willing to take you through a valley to get you to a hilltop. No pseudo solutions or quick fixes with God. He is going for deep, lasting change in you, so “he disciplines [you] for [your] good” (Hebrews 12:10).

God’s taking you to a better place. God sees the bull’s-eye, and He’s aiming for it. Like a skilled dentist, God is only drilling out decay, stuff that has made you restless and miserable all your life. When the work is done, your life will be better, but only if you embrace what God is doing."

I can testify to the truth that trials change our conduct and character. Mine have completely changed for the better. Same for my sons. Do I wish it would've happened without all the pain? Of course.

God is taking me and my boys to a better place. I don't know where that is yet, but I see it on the horizon. I feel it deep within my spirit.

Whatever it is you're going through, my hope and prayer is that you'll open your heart to God and what He's trying to do.

Until next time...