Good. Worthy. Loved.

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I'm struggling with how to begin this post. Perhaps I can use this example: it may surprise you that authors read their book reviews--sometimes obsessively. There could be 1,000 five-star reviews on their book, but you know which one they'll focus on? The one bad review.

We've all done that from time to time. We have dozens of wonderful people in our lives, but we focus on the one person who isn't on our side. I'm guilty of that on so many levels.

It isn't easy for me to dig this deep and share with you my own inner struggles. But my hope and prayer is that it'll encourage someone out there to see themselves for who they really are--not what they've been told.

I was a relatively confident person until I first found out my husband was unfaithful. As is often the case, the adulterer--my husband--blamed me. And as is often the case, I believed what he said. My head was full of negative thoughts about how I'd created this mess we were in. He convinced me that I was to blame for his infidelity, his unhappiness, and every single problem in his life.

How was I to blame?

I'm not kind enough
I'm not smart enough
I'm not cute enough
I'm not sexy enough
I'm not clever enough
I'm not enough fun

Tears are streaming down my face as I write this because it's still so raw. I battle these demons every single day. When I find myself in this battle of good vs. evil, I've learned to pray. When I pray, God kindly and gently reminds me of the following:

I am good
Perfect? Not by a long shot. But my heart is in the right place. It's never been my intention to hurt someone or make them feel "less than." I'm a good mom, friend, sister, daughter. I was a good wife. I'm faithful. I'm honest. I try to be fair.

I am worthy
My value is not based on how my husband treated me, or what he thinks of me now. I'm worthy of being cared for, loved, and respected. I'm worthy of faithfulness. I'm worthy of kindness. I'm worthy of forgiveness.

I am loved
Here's where it matters. I am loved. I am loved by my sons. I am loved by my mom, my sisters, my brothers. I am loved by friends. I am loved by co-workers. Most importantly, I am loved by God, Who can never love me more or less than He loves me now.

If you're struggling with low self esteem, if someone has pinned the blame for their actions on you, if you're focusing on your one bad review instead of the many five-star reviews, I encourage you to pray right now. Let God reveal to you how He sees you, and then focus on that.

There are many, many days when I forget these truths about myself. And when I do forget them, I end up feeling such deep despair. There are days when I feel as if I can't get a single thing right. But then I remember...I am good, I am worthy, I am loved.

My face is now a teary, snotty mess. But my sincere hope is that this post has encouraged you to see yourself as you really are: good, worthy, loved. If you don't believe it, email me and I'll convince you. I promise.

Until next time...

Who's On Your Mind?

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I woke in the morning, full of negative thoughts about my husband:

Because of him, this is a mess. 

Because of his selfish decisions, the boys and I are forced to do this.

On and on those negative thoughts churned in my head. Thankfully I caught myself pretty quickly and switched my thoughts to something more productive. 

Not long after that, I saw the above tweet come across my feed. It really made me think. 

"If you can't get someone off your mind--pray for them--you may be the only one that cares enough to do so."

It was as if God tapped me on the shoulder, saying, "Remember how I asked you to pray for those who persecute you?"

Ugh.

And so I stopped what I was doing and prayed for my husband. Then I showed it to my sons and asked them to do the same.

Who cares enough about my husband, their father, to pray for him? The people he's surrounding himself with these days? It seems unlikely. 

He can walk away from our family. He can reject our marriage vows. But he can't refuse our prayers for him. He's powerless to stop them.

Whoever has caused you pain, whoever has rejected you, whoever has made you feel like yesterday's trash, I'll bet they're on your mind a lot. 

Would you consider praying for them? As the tweet suggests, you may be the only person who cares enough to do so. 

Until next time...

Count Those Blessings

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Imagine water rising all around me. Soon my entire body is covered. My head tilts back, with only my nostrils above the water line, desperate for breath.

I'm not going to sugar coat it--that's the way I feel sometimes. 

At the same time, people around me are being blessed again and again in their relationships, their finances, and their positions.

It's not that I don't want these people to be blessed. I do! But I must admit there's a voice in my head crying out, "God? Are you there? Did you forget about me? I praise You. I give in the offering. I help and encourage others. I serve. Where are my blessings?"

I'm not proud of these thoughts, believe me. I'm just being real. These thoughts are so wrong, because they show where my heart wanders. If I do this and this and this, then God should do this. That's not how it works!

When the boys and I experience these moments, we've gotten pretty good at bringing each other back to a place of gratitude. How do we do that? We remind each other of all our blessings. Here are a few:

1. We have each other. We love each other so much, and we have each other's backs. We're a team. I give humble thanks every day for my amazing sons. God has given me the grace to raise three fine young men. 
2. We have good health. So many people have failing health, or they're losing someone they love. Those people would likely give anything for one more healthy day. Each time I hike a path, ride a bike, or walk the distance from a bad parking space, I give thanks for my good health.  
3. We have amazing family and friends. Our support network is huge and ever-growing. If we need anything, all we have to do is ask. Heck, sometimes we don't even ask. People are just plain kind to us. 
4. We're grateful. It sounds weird to be thankful for gratitude, but we are. It's so special to hear my sons encouraging me through moments like this. After we huddle and regroup, we're laughing and having fun again. 

I don't need to wait for blessings. I am blessed. Right now. Sometimes I just need to remember that. 

Whatever you're going through, I encourage you to count your blessings. Even in our darkest times, there is always something to be thankful for.

Until next time...

Don't Waste Your Pain

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I listened to a series of podcasts by Rick Warren of Daily Hope entitled Never Waste Your Pain parts one and two. Joel Osteen also has a wonderful message, Don't Waste Your Pain.

In a nutshell, Warren teaches how God uses pain to help us fulfill our purpose. We shouldn't be ashamed of our pain--we should use it. (By the way, I'm still sometimes ashamed of what's going on in my family, even though I can't control it. Obviously more growth is needed in this area!)

This blog was formed out of my own pain, and my sincere hope is that it'll help others who are going through similar situations. Before this pain barreled into my life uninvited, my thoughts were all about me, me, me. Even now I still struggle with self-centered thoughts and wishes, but hey, we're all works in progress, right?

How is pain used to fulfill God's purpose for our lives?

1. God uses pain to draw us closer to Him. People either run to God or away from God. I'm so thankful I'm in the "run to" camp. Seriously. I have no idea how people go through such trauma without faith in their lives. I've had to learn how to surrender it all, and allow Him to work within me. 2 Corinthians 4:8 says this: "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." I wouldn't have learned this truth without going through pain.
2. God uses pain to draw me closer to others. Warren called this "the fellowship of suffering." In other words, "Love your neighbor as yourself." Pain can teach us how to really love. I see people so differently now. If someone is acting angrily or irrationally, I now recognize that they're going through some sort of pain themselves. Going through pain teaches us to reach out and allow ourselves to be vulnerable. It's taught me to (try to) keep my eyes off myself. 
3. I can use pain to become more like Jesus. This is all about growth in character. I've noticed it not only in myself, but in my three sons as well. Galatians 5:22-23 teaches "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." Have I experienced tremendous growth in each of these areas? Yep. How? We learn to grow in these areas by going through difficulty. But that growth is a choice. Some people allow pain to make them bitter. But Proverbs 20:30 teaches how a painful situation can change our ways and build resilience; "Blows and wounds scrub away evil, and beatings purge the inmost being."
   
4. I can use my pain to help others. As I mentioned, this blog was born from my own pain. Sure, I kept it all bottled up inside for a while. But then I felt pressed to speak out about my pain, and how I've coped and what I've learned from it. We will all experience pain. God has patiently taught me how to take a moment to stop complaining and pay attention to the needs of others. He's taught me how to pull myself out of my pity party and refocus on the pain of others. He's taught me how to encourage others who are in pain. 2 Corinthians 1:4 reminds us of this beautiful truth: "He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us." Who better to help someone who's going through cancer than a cancer survivor? Who can better help a victim of rape than another victim of rape?
5. I can use my pain to witness to the world. When I hear the word "evangelism," I get very nervous. But Warren reminds us that the highest form of evangelizing is to witness during our pain. The world isn't impressed with how we handle prosperity. Sheesh, anyone can handle prosperity and good times well. No, it's all about how we handle adversity. Our successes don't give us credibility...what gives us credibility is how we handle difficulties. Case in point: I've always been impressed by my sons, but the way they've handled this adversity makes them even more impressive. And now they're out there helping others who are hurting. What a beautiful gift that was born out of tremendous pain.

Our deepest life message will come out of our deepest pain. As hard as the pain is to go through, it's important to remind ourselves that we're "going through." We don't have to remain stuck in the painful place. 

We will all experience pain in our lives. The question is, will we use it for good? Or will it be wasted?

Until next time...