Don't Waste Your Pain

(photo credit)

I listened to a series of podcasts by Rick Warren of Daily Hope entitled Never Waste Your Pain parts one and two. Joel Osteen also has a wonderful message, Don't Waste Your Pain.

In a nutshell, Warren teaches how God uses pain to help us fulfill our purpose. We shouldn't be ashamed of our pain--we should use it. (By the way, I'm still sometimes ashamed of what's going on in my family, even though I can't control it. Obviously more growth is needed in this area!)

This blog was formed out of my own pain, and my sincere hope is that it'll help others who are going through similar situations. Before this pain barreled into my life uninvited, my thoughts were all about me, me, me. Even now I still struggle with self-centered thoughts and wishes, but hey, we're all works in progress, right?

How is pain used to fulfill God's purpose for our lives?

1. God uses pain to draw us closer to Him. People either run to God or away from God. I'm so thankful I'm in the "run to" camp. Seriously. I have no idea how people go through such trauma without faith in their lives. I've had to learn how to surrender it all, and allow Him to work within me. 2 Corinthians 4:8 says this: "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." I wouldn't have learned this truth without going through pain.
2. God uses pain to draw me closer to others. Warren called this "the fellowship of suffering." In other words, "Love your neighbor as yourself." Pain can teach us how to really love. I see people so differently now. If someone is acting angrily or irrationally, I now recognize that they're going through some sort of pain themselves. Going through pain teaches us to reach out and allow ourselves to be vulnerable. It's taught me to (try to) keep my eyes off myself. 
3. I can use pain to become more like Jesus. This is all about growth in character. I've noticed it not only in myself, but in my three sons as well. Galatians 5:22-23 teaches "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." Have I experienced tremendous growth in each of these areas? Yep. How? We learn to grow in these areas by going through difficulty. But that growth is a choice. Some people allow pain to make them bitter. But Proverbs 20:30 teaches how a painful situation can change our ways and build resilience; "Blows and wounds scrub away evil, and beatings purge the inmost being."
   
4. I can use my pain to help others. As I mentioned, this blog was born from my own pain. Sure, I kept it all bottled up inside for a while. But then I felt pressed to speak out about my pain, and how I've coped and what I've learned from it. We will all experience pain. God has patiently taught me how to take a moment to stop complaining and pay attention to the needs of others. He's taught me how to pull myself out of my pity party and refocus on the pain of others. He's taught me how to encourage others who are in pain. 2 Corinthians 1:4 reminds us of this beautiful truth: "He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us." Who better to help someone who's going through cancer than a cancer survivor? Who can better help a victim of rape than another victim of rape?
5. I can use my pain to witness to the world. When I hear the word "evangelism," I get very nervous. But Warren reminds us that the highest form of evangelizing is to witness during our pain. The world isn't impressed with how we handle prosperity. Sheesh, anyone can handle prosperity and good times well. No, it's all about how we handle adversity. Our successes don't give us credibility...what gives us credibility is how we handle difficulties. Case in point: I've always been impressed by my sons, but the way they've handled this adversity makes them even more impressive. And now they're out there helping others who are hurting. What a beautiful gift that was born out of tremendous pain.

Our deepest life message will come out of our deepest pain. As hard as the pain is to go through, it's important to remind ourselves that we're "going through." We don't have to remain stuck in the painful place. 

We will all experience pain in our lives. The question is, will we use it for good? Or will it be wasted?

Until next time...

Growth in the Dark Places

I love the message about a seed in today’s photo. It reminds me of one of my favorite Joel Osteen messages, Blessed in the Dark Places.

In his message, Osteen compares the trials in our lives to a seed being planted. Seeds can’t germinate in the light. It needs to be planted in the soil. A dark place. Osteen points out that if asked, the seed would likely tell you it doesn’t want to be in the dark place. It’s uncomfortable, the pressure intense. 

He makes this wonderful point: The seed looks buried, but in fact, it’s planted.

After time, that seed will change. It’s outer shell will crack, and new growth happens. And just like the seed, when we experience significant trials we can also experience new growth. Our character grows. We develop faith, patience, and humility.

In my own experience, God has used my marital dark place to draw me closer to Him. I pray more, trust Him more, and look less to myself for solutions and more toward Him. My priorities have been re-evaluated. My faith has been stretched to what I thought would be a breaking point. I have a fresh appreciation for our blessings. I don’t complain about the little things anymore, because I’ve been through too much to let small stuff bother me. None of this would’ve happened in the safe zone. It only happens in the fire of affliction. 

The dark place has also changed my children. They’ve become wonderful listeners. They’re patient, empathetic, and even kinder than they were before. They’ve become more encouraging and comforting. Their faith has grown. Their perspective has also changed. They’ve learned a lot for their age, including what they will not do if they experience marital trouble. Only time will tell, but I’m hopeful my sons will avoid leaving their families at all costs. They know all too well what that’s felt like.

I have not liked this dark place--it’s been extremely painful. But this dark place has been packed with blessings. Although I didn’t like the growth process, I appreciate the results. I’ve become a much better person. And just like the seed that breaks forth through the soil, I’ve also broken free and gained more confidence.

Going through this time with faith and a good attitude has been such a life lesson for me and my sons. Brokenness is temporary. The loss, betrayal, and pain was meant for my harm, but I can trust God to use it for my good. In fact, He already has.

If you’re in a dark place, I hope you’ll click on Osteen’s link above and listen to the message. I promise, you’ll be inspired.

Until next time...