Battle Weary

I woke in the morning, feeling battle weary. It seemed as if battle lines surrounded me on all sides, inching closer, closer, closer. Imagine me in the middle, fists up, ready to fight, fearful eyes drooping from the weight of it all. 

A short time later I received the above image from a friend. It impacted me so much, I drew a sharp breath. 

The Lord Himself will fight for you. Just stay calm. Exodus 14:14

It was a fresh (and much needed) reminder that I wasn't in this alone. Not only that, but I don't even need to fight. It was also a fresh reminder that God places certain people in our lives for a reason. It's not a coincidence that she and I are friends. It was our Creator strategically linking us together.

Sometimes I'm good about surrendering it all to God--giving it all to Him, since I have no idea what to do with it. 

But I seem to be equally adept at taking those worries back--trying to figure it all out. My mind plays a constant loop of, "What do I do if this happens?" "Might as well expect the worst, so I'm prepared." "How in the world will I handle that situation when (if?) it happens?"

I devise a Plan A, and a Plan B. On and on I seem to marinate in the "what if" thoughts that torment me. 

This image my friend sent me was like God tapping me on the shoulder, saying, "This battle is Mine, not yours. Remember? Release it to Me.  Be still, and know that I am God."

Imagine me now in that same fighting position. Hands fisted. But now my clenched fingers loosen, straighten. My open hands flip over in an act of surrender and praise. Instead of devising an alternate plan to the alternate plan, I simply say, "Thank you, God, for promising to fight my battles for me."

He will give me the grace I need for this season. With those open hands, I receive that grace by faith. 

If you're feeling battle weary, I encourage you to receive this promise. Release your trouble, let it go, and let God fight your battle for you. It's not your battle, it's His.

Until next time...

A Time to Grieve

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I listented to a podcast by Rick Warren entitled Sorrow--Getting Through Life’s Losses, Part 1. A few years ago Rick Warren lost his adult son to suicide. He and his family learned a great deal about sorrow during that time, and he shares those lessons with us.

Loss is unavoidable, but grief is a choice

Warren reminds us that grief is part of our spiritual growth. Oh, how I wish it wasn’t! I wish I didn’t have to go through something so awful in order to grow spiritually.

After my husband walked out on our family, my initial reaction was shock. Who was this man I’d married? Was this dark side within him all along? Why wouldn’t he put any effort into saving something so important? Did I really love him? And if I did, how could I love a man who would do such a thing?

After the shock wore off, I began to grieve what was lost. The marriage, the family ties, the vision of what our future would be. No, I didn’t lose someone to death. Instead, I lost someone who walked away by choice. Such a loss is difficult to process.

Grief is healthy

Warren tells us that grief is the only healthy response after losing something that matters so much to us: a person, a relationship, good health, a career, finanical security, etc. He points out that it’s unhealthy to deny a loss. Sadness does not equal weakness. Just because we’re sad about what’s lost doesn’t mean we’re weak. 

God grieves with me

The reason I’m able to grieve is because I'm made in the image of God, and God grieves. Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” I’ve never felt closer to God than I have during this difficult season.

Grief is healed in community

Warren says we need each other, and that we're better together.

I struggle in this area. I’m naturally close-lipped about my struggles, and tend to be very private about my personal life. For six weeks, no one knew my husband had walked out on us. I was even able to hide it from our kids for six weeks. (Think about that profound statement for a minute). My sisters and I are extremely close, and I didn’t tell them for six weeks as well. Part of me kept hoping it would all smooth over before there was disruption in our kids’ lives, but that wasn’t meant to be.

I still don’t open up about my situation, except to very few trusted people. But those few trusted people have been amazingly supportive to me and my sons. Plus, since opening up, I’ve learned I’m not the only one going through this type of situation. There’s a crisis with marriages, and with men (and some women) remaining faithful and committed through the long haul. I didn’t realize the depth of the crisis until I opened up.

Grief takes time

You cannot rush it. You don't get over grief, you get through it. The Bible reminds us there’s a time and a season for everything, including grief. Let’s not rush ourselves through it. And let’s not rush others through it, either.

May we all heal in the time and space we need, and may we all draw closer to God through our grief.

If you’ve experienced any kind of sorrow, or loss, or if you’re grieving for any reason, I highly recommend you listen to Rick Warren’s whole series about sorrow.

Are you grieving? Would you like to talk to me personally? If so, leave a comment and I’ll send you my direct email address.

Until next time...

Do It Afraid

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Airports used to intimidate me. Flying in airplanes used to terrify me. 

So of course it makes perfect sense that I would choose to become a flight attendant, right?

You heard that correctly. I'm now a flight attendant. In my wildest dreams, I never would've imagined I'd choose this career path. And yet, here I am. 

But it wasn't so much me choosing it as it was God placing the desire in my heart. And then He gave me the grace to do it.

I'm no longer intimidated by airports. The crowds, the confusion, and the waiting have become somewhat normal to me. And I'm no longer afraid of flying. My office is now a tube in the sky, and I'm strangely ok with that.

This is what it's been like since I fixed my eyes on God and followed His prompting. He's taken me on unpredictable paths that normally would've scared the heck out of me. 

Joyce Meyer gives wonderful advice about following God's path for you, even when it's scary: do it afraid. 

I followed that advice when I took my mission trip last year. I followed that advice when I joined my life group. And I followed that advice when I got the "yes" from my airline, welcoming me to their team. 

Sometimes our biggest enemy can be comfort. We don't like change, and resist it at all costs. Comfort feels good. It's predictable. It's easy. I've always loved and appreciated comfort and predictability.

The unknown? Now, that's scary. Fear can become crippling, if we let it. But I'm learning to trust God and where He's taking me. I'm learning that I don't always know what's best for me, but God does. He loves me so much and wants to bless me. 

Pursuing this career has been full of ups and downs, trials and triumphs. It's meant being away from my children--the very people I love and care about most.

I don't claim to know why God led me here, or why He kept these doors open while shutting other doors. I have no idea why He placed this in my heart.  But I do know I can trust Him. He's leading me where He wants me to go, and all I need to do is follow. 

I'll share more about my flying adventures later, but for now I'll leave you with this: if you're feeling led to do something, say something, or pursue something--but you're scared--I encourage you to follow Joyce Meyer's advice: do it afraid. 

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

Until next time...

How about a little justice?

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What would sweet revenge feel like? Wouldn’t it be nice if the person who inflicted such pain on you went through the same pain? How much justice is too much? Too little? Just right?

After my husband walked out on us, I spent too much time imagining justice. Even during prayer, I offered God ideas of how to exact revenge. As if He needed my cleverly laid plans.

I read a great post by Max Lucado on Devotionals Daily entitled, Forgiveness and Entrusting Justice to God. If you’ve ever been hurt by someone (haven’t we all?) I highly recommend you read the whole post. In it, Lucado reminds us that God moves us forward by healing our past.

Lucado read my mind about God and healing when he asked, “Can He really? This seething disgust I feel every time I think of the one who treated me like yesterday’s trash?”

That’s how I used to feel. Like yesterday’s trash--forgotten, rejected, worthless. Thankfully I no longer feel that way. But that’s another topic for another post.

Lucado tells the story of Joseph, who was betrayed by his brothers. Joseph’s story was ripe with opportunity to exact revenge, but he didn’t. He left that for God to handle.

Lucado quotes scriptures to remind my revenge-seeking soul to simmer down.

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. (Ephesians 4:31)

As Christ forgave you, so you also must do. (Colossians 3:13)

How do I reconcile betrayal, rejection, and anger with God’s command to forgive? As Lucado asks, “Isn’t some vengeance in order?” He says, “Of course it is. In fact, God cares more about justice than we do.” He’s right when he says, “We fear the evildoer will slip into the night, unknown and unpunished.” But he reminds us, “Not to worry. Scripture says God will repay, not that He might repay.”

It’s not my job to seek revenge, or to create feeble plots for justice. My job is to take the hurt, anger, confusion, and all the other junk and humbly give it to God, trusting Him to make something beautiful out of it. Knowing this truth brings me so much peace.

Max Lucado wraps it all up with this statement:

“Unlike us, God never gives up on a person. Never. Long after we have moved on, God is still there, probing the conscience, stirring conviction, always orchestrating redemption. Fix your enemies? That’s God’s job. Forgive your enemies? Ah, that’s where you and I come in. We forgive.”

OMG this is sooo hard! Not only did my husband betray me, reject me, and break every marriage vow, he crushed my children. It’s one thing to hurt me. But my kids? How do I forgive such a thing? 

I can’t do it in my own power, that’s for sure. I struggle with this and pray about it daily. Lucado writes, “When it comes to forgiveness, all of us are beginners. No one owns a secret formula. As long as you are trying to forgive, you are forgiving. It’s when you no longer try that bitterness sets in.”

I choose not to be bitter. I choose not to seek justice or revenge. Instead, I choose to allow these circumstances to make me better, stronger. And I choose to give it to God and let Him handle it in His way and in His timing.

How about you? Do you wish for revenge? Justice? Is it difficult for you to forgive?

Until next time...