I listented to a podcast by Rick Warren entitled Sorrow--Getting Through Life’s Losses, Part 1. A few years ago Rick Warren lost his adult son to suicide. He and his family learned a great deal about sorrow during that time, and he shares those lessons with us.
Loss is unavoidable, but grief is a choice
Warren reminds us that grief is part of our spiritual growth. Oh, how I wish it wasn’t! I wish I didn’t have to go through something so awful in order to grow spiritually.
After my husband walked out on our family, my initial reaction was shock. Who was this man I’d married? Was this dark side within him all along? Why wouldn’t he put any effort into saving something so important? Did I really love him? And if I did, how could I love a man who would do such a thing?
After the shock wore off, I began to grieve what was lost. The marriage, the family ties, the vision of what our future would be. No, I didn’t lose someone to death. Instead, I lost someone who walked away by choice. Such a loss is difficult to process.
Grief is healthy
Warren tells us that grief is the only healthy response after losing something that matters so much to us: a person, a relationship, good health, a career, finanical security, etc. He points out that it’s unhealthy to deny a loss. Sadness does not equal weakness. Just because we’re sad about what’s lost doesn’t mean we’re weak.
God grieves with me
The reason I’m able to grieve is because I'm made in the image of God, and God grieves. Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” I’ve never felt closer to God than I have during this difficult season.
Grief is healed in community
Warren says we need each other, and that we're better together.
I struggle in this area. I’m naturally close-lipped about my struggles, and tend to be very private about my personal life. For six weeks, no one knew my husband had walked out on us. I was even able to hide it from our kids for six weeks. (Think about that profound statement for a minute). My sisters and I are extremely close, and I didn’t tell them for six weeks as well. Part of me kept hoping it would all smooth over before there was disruption in our kids’ lives, but that wasn’t meant to be.
I still don’t open up about my situation, except to very few trusted people. But those few trusted people have been amazingly supportive to me and my sons. Plus, since opening up, I’ve learned I’m not the only one going through this type of situation. There’s a crisis with marriages, and with men (and some women) remaining faithful and committed through the long haul. I didn’t realize the depth of the crisis until I opened up.
Grief takes time
You cannot rush it. You don't get over grief, you get through it. The Bible reminds us there’s a time and a season for everything, including grief. Let’s not rush ourselves through it. And let’s not rush others through it, either.
May we all heal in the time and space we need, and may we all draw closer to God through our grief.
If you’ve experienced any kind of sorrow, or loss, or if you’re grieving for any reason, I highly recommend you listen to Rick Warren’s whole series about sorrow.
Are you grieving? Would you like to talk to me personally? If so, leave a comment and I’ll send you my direct email address.
Until next time...
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