Rescue Your Family--The Book!

Friends,

I'm so pleased to announce the release of my latest book, Rescue Your Family. I may have mentioned before that I'm an author of young adult fiction. My collection of published books can be found on my web site, www.juliemusil.com.

This latest book is unique for me, as it's non-fiction. It's my own deeply personal story that you've read on this blog.

It's been many months since I've posted here. During that time we sold our old home, moved in with my sister, then bought our new home and settled in. All while continuing to lead and direct three of the finest people I know--my sons. It's been quite a year.

With my latest book release comes a whole lot of hope--hope that you or someone you know will be blessed by it. Hope that it'll find its way into the hands of the spouse who's hurting and confused. Hope that it'll reach someone who's on the fence about leaving their family, and persuade them to stay and rescue what seems lost.

Won't you help me help others? Share the book. Share my story. Share the hope.

Click below to download a copy!

Amazon
Barnes and Noble
iTunes

Until next time...

After the Drought

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In the beginning of a major life trial, we do all that we can to simply survive. Got out of bed today? Check. Loved on my sons and encouraged them? Check. 

Survival equals success on those days. If you're still in survival mode, I strongly encourage you to read James MacDonald's post about Survival.

Thankfully there came a point in my life when I no longer considered it a success to simply survive. No. My definition of success has changed. I'm committed to not only surviving, but thriving. 

Tough times can be described as the wilderness, a valley, a storm. Even a drought. During the drought, we thirst for radical change in our circumstances. We long for desperately needed rain to pour down and quench our parched souls.

I listened to a message by Steven Furtick, entitled Coming Out of the Drought. It was such a great reminder that dry spells don't last forever. During a drought, Furtick points out that we will likely battle enemies like invisibility, insignificance, and intimidation. But hang in there. Rain is coming.

I'm now on a path that I never would've been on had my life gone according to my plan. But you know what? I like this road. I like this me. And even though I face a lot of unknowns, I'll be ok. My sons will be ok. Better than ok...thriving.

If you're in the middle of your desert right now--or your wilderness, or your valley, or your storm--hang in there. Cherish each small cloud that promises rain. Rejoice in every drop of moisture that lands on your tongue. 

Droughts don't last forever. Eventually, rain pours down and quenches what had seemed unquenchable.

"...there is a sound of abundance of rain." 1 Kings 18:41

Until next time...

Forgive, Pray, Forward

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There's quite a bit of turmoil going on in my family right now. My boys and I, the four of us, are solid. My oldest son says we're like four wheels of a car, moving together in unison. I love that imagery. But where their dad is concerned, there's definitely darkness and division.

Too often in prayer I ramble on and do all the talking. But sometimes, when I stop my rambling (and let's be honest--complaining), I feel as if God is speaking directly to me. Words float in my mind that are not from me. They couldn't be. 

Recently, these words came to me in a moment of quiet listening:

Forgive him

Pray for him

Look forward

Forgive Him

I've blogged about this before. And I'm totally up front with you when I say this is my biggest struggle. Thankfully, I don't have to do this on my own or in my own power. I pray over it. I ask God to help me forgive. I don't want to carry that heavy baggage wherever I go. Does he deserve my forgiveness? That's not the question. Have I been commanded to do it? Yes.

Pray for Him

I've blogged about this before as well. The Bible says, "bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you." (Luke 6:28) This is soooo hard to do (right up there with forgiveness). When my negative thoughts turn to blaming, bitterness, judgement, and anger, that's when I know it's time to shut off that junk and pray for him. Does he deserve my prayer? That's not the question. Have I been commanded to do it? Yes.

Look Forward

Ah, here is where things get interesting. For so long I've been praying for healing and restoration, despite my circumstances. Little by little, though, God has been working on me. He's teaching me to stop looking behind, and to instead look forward. My precious son sent me this verse one day: 

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." 

--Jeremiah 29:11-13

Prosper me, not harm me. Hope and a future. These are gifts that this faith journey has given me. First of all, I've been blessed with a son who sends me that verse! But I've been blessed with this beautiful faith that reminds me to live with expectancy.

Wherever you are in your own journey, whether it's in the beginning--in the "what the heck just happened" phase--or somewhere else down the road, here's my advice: pray. But don't just tell God all your problems. He already knows. Come to Him with your hurts and concerns, and He will give you rest. But also come to Him and listen. Get quiet, and wait. See what He plants in your heart.

Until next time...

SaveSave

What's The Point?

 

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It wasn't until later in my difficult season that I was awakened to the idea that there might be a point to what I've gone through. Some of my favorite sayings have become:

"Nothing is wasted."

"Your mess becomes your message."

"Your test can become your testimony."

It's difficult to see this when we're in the midst of deep sorrow. Confusion is a mighty enemy that can drag us down, down, down, until we spend most of our time wondering, What the heck just happened?

Joyce Meyer has an amazing story. As a child, she was sexually abused by her father. This went on for years and years. Her mom, even though she knew about it, didn't help. I can't imagine what that was like. If you haven't yet heard her story, you can listen to it here. It's disturbing, it's painful to hear, and it's powerful.

I listened to another one of her messages, Unshakeable Trust, Part 2. In this message she refers to her painful childhood, and how confused she'd been for so many years. Later she had this epiphany (I'll paraphrase): What if the reason I went through such trials was because some day I'd need to be bold enough to speak out about such horror? What if it was up to me to encourage other victims of sexual abuse? What if that painful season in my life was so I could later use it to help others?

Over the Christmas holiday, my sons and I took a Hawaiian cruise that was meant to include our whole family. Despite the turmoil in our lives, we enjoyed it. Heck, it was paid for. Might as well have fun!

While on that cruise, I came into contact with some amazing people. I connected with a fire chief who knows my husband and was deeply shocked and saddened by what had happened (my son confided in him). We also met a family where the father had experienced something similar in his young life. His dad walked out on their family, leaving his mom to pick up the pieces. 

I lay in bed one morning during that trip, thinking about how frustrating it was to see families destroyed by one person's destructive decisions. It didn't make sense to me. I thought of ways I could connect with the fire chief and go from fire station to fire station, sharing my story and how it's impacted our family. I'd encourage every firefighter to stay, figure it out, get help. Don't leave your family! Don't take what seems like the easy way out.

But then another idea came to me. What if I could speak to first responders and their families through a blog? I like to write, I have a passion about the subject, and I was slowly finding my voice. That's how this blog was born.

How many people are reading it? How many people has it helped? I don't check statistics, but I do hear stories. Before launching the blog, I prayed that the right people would find it at the right time. It'll always be here for anyone who needs it.

I still don't understand what's happened to us, and I still struggle with truckloads of negative emotions. But I've also done a lot of soul-searching and healing. My spiritual journey has been amazingly beautiful.

Whatever it is we go through in life, if we can look at it through the lens of "Nothing is wasted," "My mess can become my message," and "My test can become my testimony," we can see that something bigger is at play here.

What is that for you? What is that for me? I don't know for sure. But if our hearts are open to the possibility, we can see that oftentimes our struggles can be training ground for something powerful.

Until next time...

Oops?

My oldest son and his friend were driving along a local freeway, when they passed a billboard for a divorce attorney that read, "OOPS!" In a nutshell, if your marriage was a big mistake, call us and we'll quickly sweep that nasty mistake out of your life.

My son told his friend, "I hate that billboard." She asked him why and he said, "Because they're making light of something that destroys people's lives." And then he wept.

Wow.

Such honest thoughts and emotions from a tender-hearted young man. His words make me wish I could grip the shoulders of every single person out there who's contemplating divorce--the husband or wife who's asking themselves these questions:

"What will make me happy?"
"What do I need?"
"How do I improve my future?"

Me. Me. Me. 
Mine. Mine. Mine. 
I. I. I. 
So much focus on self.

I wish I could shake that same person's shoulders and encourage them to ask the following instead:

"How can I make someone else happy?"
"What can I do to improve this marriage?"
"How can I be a better husband/wife and father/mother?"
"What's the right thing to do for my family?"

Yes, people survive divorce. Spouses survive it and children survive it. But it changes them forever. It leaves deep and lasting scars that could've been avoided if the married couple didn't have the attitude of, "Oops!" followed quickly by, "Next!"

I'm not suggesting that couples stay together just for the kids, or that an abused spouse stay in a dangerous situation. What I'm suggesting is that you seek help. Find answers. Search your own soul. Think about the other people in your family more than you think about yourself. Don't think that pulling the escape hatch on this "oops" will slip quietly into the night without collateral damage.

Marriage is a solemn promise, a covenant between you and your spouse before God, family and friends. "Oops" in marriage isn't the same as buying the wrong car, or choosing the wrong melon in the produce section.

If you're the person contemplating divorce, if you're the one who's committing adultery, if you're the one who's checked out of the marriage, I urge you to stop. Just stop! Think about what you're doing, and who you're doing it to. If you have children, think for a moment about them and what they need, and not just about you and what you need.

Until next time...

Kitchen Table Counselors

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In a fire station kitchen, everything is big. Industrial stove, massive pots and pans, kitchen-length tables with long benches. It’s here at the table where meals are shared. Games are played to determine who’ll wash dishes. At Christmastime, firefighters’ kids decorate cookies there. Good-natured ribbing takes place at the table, such as testing a rookie’s knowledge, or teasing the old-timer about his receding hairline. It’s also a place where firefighters talk.

Good information is shared at the table, such as new techniques for fighting fire and how to do it better. But it can also be a place where insidious information is shared, and secrets are kept.

How do I divorce my wife, but still keep my pension? How do I cheat on my spouse, but keep it a secret? How do I create a separate bank account she won’t know about?

This isn’t just a fire station scenario. It happens in bars, at the office, and in restaurants. It happens in patrol cars, and carpools. Too often people who long to do the wrong thing get plenty of advice from those who’ve traveled that well-worn path to destruction.

I’d like to pose a few questions:

Is the person giving you advice someone you respect?

Are your motives pure? Are his?

Is the captain who’s on his third marriage really the person you want to seek advice from?

If you follow his advice, won’t your life look the same?

How is that person’s relationship with their children? Is that what you want?

Is the person you’re seeking advice from selfish?

Did he leave his own wake of destruction?

What moral code does he base his life on? Does he have a moral code?

Or how about these questions: 

Does he honor and respect his wife?

Does he bless his children and spend time with them?

Did he and his wife work through their issues and remain faithful to each other?

Did he and his wife honor the promises spoken on their wedding day?

Did he and his wife take the word “divorce” off the table?

I urge anyone who’s seeking advice to make sure they’re seeking it from someone who puts family first, not “self.” When we put our own self interests before marriage, children, and family, we destroy what we vowed to protect. Too many people--first responders and civilians--have taken what seems to be the easy path. But is it really easy?

Mark 10:8 says this: ...and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh.

Tearing apart a marriage is like ripping flesh from flesh. Should that be easy? No. Should it be common? No.

Wherever you are in your marriage, my hope and prayer is that you’ll seek advice from the number one source: the Bible. It’s packed full of practical advice about marriage. Surround yourself with people who share the same desire for family that you do. 

Whether you’re sitting around the kitchen table, in the squad car, or sharing a meal with girlfriends, seek healing and restorative advice. And if you’re at the table and someone speaks out against their spouse, and their motives aren’t good, won’t you please stand in the gap for the spouse?

Let's not sit idly by while others promote divorce, adultery, and abandoning families. Instead, let's speak courageously--with love and respect--in favor of what's right.

Share the meal...don’t share bad advice.

Until next time...