After the Drought

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In the beginning of a major life trial, we do all that we can to simply survive. Got out of bed today? Check. Loved on my sons and encouraged them? Check. 

Survival equals success on those days. If you're still in survival mode, I strongly encourage you to read James MacDonald's post about Survival.

Thankfully there came a point in my life when I no longer considered it a success to simply survive. No. My definition of success has changed. I'm committed to not only surviving, but thriving. 

Tough times can be described as the wilderness, a valley, a storm. Even a drought. During the drought, we thirst for radical change in our circumstances. We long for desperately needed rain to pour down and quench our parched souls.

I listened to a message by Steven Furtick, entitled Coming Out of the Drought. It was such a great reminder that dry spells don't last forever. During a drought, Furtick points out that we will likely battle enemies like invisibility, insignificance, and intimidation. But hang in there. Rain is coming.

I'm now on a path that I never would've been on had my life gone according to my plan. But you know what? I like this road. I like this me. And even though I face a lot of unknowns, I'll be ok. My sons will be ok. Better than ok...thriving.

If you're in the middle of your desert right now--or your wilderness, or your valley, or your storm--hang in there. Cherish each small cloud that promises rain. Rejoice in every drop of moisture that lands on your tongue. 

Droughts don't last forever. Eventually, rain pours down and quenches what had seemed unquenchable.

"...there is a sound of abundance of rain." 1 Kings 18:41

Until next time...

Fighting Against? Or Fighting For?

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In his message, "The Winning Hand," Steven Furtick asks an interesting question: Are you fighting against what you should be fighting for?

He digs deep into the story of David--you know, the David, of David and Goliath fame. After his victory against Goliath, but before he became king, the current king--Saul--became jealous, angry, and bitter, and tried to kill David.

I like to think of myself as David in the David and Goliath story. Little 'ole me up against a mighty warrior. I gather the courage to load the smooth stone into the slingshot, take aim, and slay a giant. Awesome visual, right? 

I do see some of David in me. But after listening to this message, I also see in me some of King Saul. He's tormented. He's frustrated. He's trying to control what he can no longer control. He's fighting against David--the person he should be fighting for. 

In the waning days of my marriage, everything was out of my control. I tried to control my husband. I tried to sway his opinion. I tried to soften his hardened heart. I tried and tried and tried, but I was powerless. 

Have you ever been powerless? It's an awful feeling. 

But it can also be liberating. I don't carry daily guilt about what's happened. I forgave myself a long time ago. I can own my share in the problems, while also recognizing that so much of it was way out of my control. 

Joyce Meyer has a great saying when things are beyond our control: "Say your prayers and cast your cares." It's only when you've lost all semblance of control that you realize you were never in control in the first place. 

Are you fighting against your spouse, when you should be fighting for them? Do you see them as the source of your unhappiness, or do you recognize that you're responsible for your own happiness?

We can't control the "enemies" in our lives. Sure, we can try. I tried manipulating my "enemy" without success. 

Here's the thing: my husband was never my enemy. 

(Note: there are moments when it seems he's my only enemy...trust me, there's a tug of war constantly within me about this).

Likewise, your spouse is not your enemy. Never has been, never will be. Your spouse is your partner in life. He/she has been connected to you by God for a reason. Don't fight against your spouse and your marriage--fight for your spouse. Fight for your marriage. 

If I could do it again, I'd worry less about the little things. I'd focus more on making myself a better person, instead of blaming my husband for not being the person he should be. I'd praise him more, not as a form of manipulation or control, but out of grace and mercy. I'd look for the good in him, rather than stewing over everything he's done wrong. (This is also a constant tug of war within me). 

We're all works in progress, folks. Me, you, your spouse, your children. 

Whenever feelings of anger or insecurity or frustration sneak into your mind, perhaps ask the powerful question Steven Furtick asks: are you fighting against what you should be fighting for?

Until next time...