Fighting Against? Or Fighting For?

(photo credit)

In his message, "The Winning Hand," Steven Furtick asks an interesting question: Are you fighting against what you should be fighting for?

He digs deep into the story of David--you know, the David, of David and Goliath fame. After his victory against Goliath, but before he became king, the current king--Saul--became jealous, angry, and bitter, and tried to kill David.

I like to think of myself as David in the David and Goliath story. Little 'ole me up against a mighty warrior. I gather the courage to load the smooth stone into the slingshot, take aim, and slay a giant. Awesome visual, right? 

I do see some of David in me. But after listening to this message, I also see in me some of King Saul. He's tormented. He's frustrated. He's trying to control what he can no longer control. He's fighting against David--the person he should be fighting for. 

In the waning days of my marriage, everything was out of my control. I tried to control my husband. I tried to sway his opinion. I tried to soften his hardened heart. I tried and tried and tried, but I was powerless. 

Have you ever been powerless? It's an awful feeling. 

But it can also be liberating. I don't carry daily guilt about what's happened. I forgave myself a long time ago. I can own my share in the problems, while also recognizing that so much of it was way out of my control. 

Joyce Meyer has a great saying when things are beyond our control: "Say your prayers and cast your cares." It's only when you've lost all semblance of control that you realize you were never in control in the first place. 

Are you fighting against your spouse, when you should be fighting for them? Do you see them as the source of your unhappiness, or do you recognize that you're responsible for your own happiness?

We can't control the "enemies" in our lives. Sure, we can try. I tried manipulating my "enemy" without success. 

Here's the thing: my husband was never my enemy. 

(Note: there are moments when it seems he's my only enemy...trust me, there's a tug of war constantly within me about this).

Likewise, your spouse is not your enemy. Never has been, never will be. Your spouse is your partner in life. He/she has been connected to you by God for a reason. Don't fight against your spouse and your marriage--fight for your spouse. Fight for your marriage. 

If I could do it again, I'd worry less about the little things. I'd focus more on making myself a better person, instead of blaming my husband for not being the person he should be. I'd praise him more, not as a form of manipulation or control, but out of grace and mercy. I'd look for the good in him, rather than stewing over everything he's done wrong. (This is also a constant tug of war within me). 

We're all works in progress, folks. Me, you, your spouse, your children. 

Whenever feelings of anger or insecurity or frustration sneak into your mind, perhaps ask the powerful question Steven Furtick asks: are you fighting against what you should be fighting for?

Until next time...