PEAS on a Beach

My sons and I sat on the white, sandy beach of Waikiki. We'd traveled there to celebrate my 50th birthday. As we stared out at the beautiful Pacific, we talked openly and honestly about the turn our lives had taken, and how we'd untangle the future.

During the conversation, I was reminded of something I'd only recently been made aware of: my sons and I seem to have a natural tendency to encourage others. When I'm at work, or out to dinner with friends, or out shopping, it's become natural to say something nice to someone. When my sons are at school or at work, other people are drawn to their inclusive and caring dispositions. I used to view this personality trait as no big deal, but now I see it for what it is: a gift.

As wave after wave crashed against the shore, an idea was born: what if we widened our reach and helped other people? Not just our co-workers and friends, although that's wonderful. What if we created a way to help strangers? People who've lost hope and their will? What if people were experiencing trauma and chaos, and needed someone to turn to? This was something that was within our reach. It was something we were naturally equipped to do.

We'd ordered pizza on the beach, so I grabbed a Dominoes napkin and wrote:

Encouragement
Advice
Support

That crumpled napkin sat in my purse for months, kind of forgotten in all the chaos going on in our own lives. Until October, when I read something about "...one God-given idea." I'd felt it was a God-given idea right there on the beach, but I hadn't done anything with it. Now I felt compelled to do something with it.

What name could we give it? We began with E, A, and S. Not sure what to do with that, but let's marinate on it for a while. Then I attended a prayer vigil put on by my church, to support the victims and survivors of the Las Vegas shooting. That's when it hit me: add P for prayer. The most vital ingredient. I called the boys on my way home, excited. Our name would be PEAS (prayer, encouragement, advice, support).

We dove in. We created the site, and www.peashelp.com was born. We created a youtube channel. We created social media accounts. It's all still in the infancy stage, but it's out there. We're ready to help others. Our pain will not be wasted.

My hope is that you'll visit peashelp.com whenever you need prayer, encouragement, advice, or support. Simply choose a button, and you'll receive a confidential response. Also, by subscribing to our youtube channel, you'll never miss a video. And please, spread the word. You never know what other people are going through.

Until next time...

Kitchen Table Counselors

(photo credit)

In a fire station kitchen, everything is big. Industrial stove, massive pots and pans, kitchen-length tables with long benches. It’s here at the table where meals are shared. Games are played to determine who’ll wash dishes. At Christmastime, firefighters’ kids decorate cookies there. Good-natured ribbing takes place at the table, such as testing a rookie’s knowledge, or teasing the old-timer about his receding hairline. It’s also a place where firefighters talk.

Good information is shared at the table, such as new techniques for fighting fire and how to do it better. But it can also be a place where insidious information is shared, and secrets are kept.

How do I divorce my wife, but still keep my pension? How do I cheat on my spouse, but keep it a secret? How do I create a separate bank account she won’t know about?

This isn’t just a fire station scenario. It happens in bars, at the office, and in restaurants. It happens in patrol cars, and carpools. Too often people who long to do the wrong thing get plenty of advice from those who’ve traveled that well-worn path to destruction.

I’d like to pose a few questions:

Is the person giving you advice someone you respect?

Are your motives pure? Are his?

Is the captain who’s on his third marriage really the person you want to seek advice from?

If you follow his advice, won’t your life look the same?

How is that person’s relationship with their children? Is that what you want?

Is the person you’re seeking advice from selfish?

Did he leave his own wake of destruction?

What moral code does he base his life on? Does he have a moral code?

Or how about these questions: 

Does he honor and respect his wife?

Does he bless his children and spend time with them?

Did he and his wife work through their issues and remain faithful to each other?

Did he and his wife honor the promises spoken on their wedding day?

Did he and his wife take the word “divorce” off the table?

I urge anyone who’s seeking advice to make sure they’re seeking it from someone who puts family first, not “self.” When we put our own self interests before marriage, children, and family, we destroy what we vowed to protect. Too many people--first responders and civilians--have taken what seems to be the easy path. But is it really easy?

Mark 10:8 says this: ...and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh.

Tearing apart a marriage is like ripping flesh from flesh. Should that be easy? No. Should it be common? No.

Wherever you are in your marriage, my hope and prayer is that you’ll seek advice from the number one source: the Bible. It’s packed full of practical advice about marriage. Surround yourself with people who share the same desire for family that you do. 

Whether you’re sitting around the kitchen table, in the squad car, or sharing a meal with girlfriends, seek healing and restorative advice. And if you’re at the table and someone speaks out against their spouse, and their motives aren’t good, won’t you please stand in the gap for the spouse?

Let's not sit idly by while others promote divorce, adultery, and abandoning families. Instead, let's speak courageously--with love and respect--in favor of what's right.

Share the meal...don’t share bad advice.

Until next time...