Forgiven

(photo credit)

If I were to list my biggest struggles, forgiveness would rank high. It wasn't until I was deep into this paralyzing season of my life that I realized I was harboring a whole lot of unforgiveness.

Rick Warren did a series entitled "The Amazing Power of Forgiveness." In that series, he points out that forgiveness doesn't excuse the other person's behavior, nor does it force us to trust that person who's hurt us. Besides, forgiveness isn't for the other person. It's for us. Forgiveness enables us to release bitterness and soften a hardened heart.

As the image above suggests, the person who refuses to forgive is the prisoner. The other person may have moved on and doesn't even care if you do or don't forgive.

One of Warren's suggestions is to grab a pad of paper and a pen, and isolate yourself somewhere quiet. Write at the top of the paper 1 John 1:9, which says, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." Humbly pray with an open heart, asking God to bring to mind anything and everything that needs to be forgiven. Then ask God for forgiveness. If there's a person who's been wronged on that list, if possible reach out to them and ask for forgiveness. Finally, tear the paper up, knowing you've been forgiven.

That's it!

I did this exercise, and believe me, it was powerful. It was also quite liberating. Three pages later, I was finally done. I'd been forgiven. Now when things pop up that I know I've done wrong, I immediately ask for forgiveness, and then I accept it with gratitude. My slate, and my conscience, are clean.

Soon after my husband left, I read a book about marriage (I can't remember which one) that suggested I acknowledge my part in the failed marriage. My natural inclination was to blame my husband for everything. So it wasn't easy, but I did it. I made a list of areas where I knew I was wrong, and went to my husband and asked his forgiveness. He said he forgave me. He truly hasn't forgiven me, though, because he still brings up those ancient issues. But that's a heart issue between him and God. I can't control that.

Next came the hard part: forgiving. It's easier to ask for forgiveness and receive it than to offer it to someone who perhaps doesn't deserve it. But what I've learned is that I truly don't deserve it, either. But still, God graciously gives it to me. And so I've forgiven my husband every day, even though he's never asked for it. Not even once.

What I've noticed is that I'm not carrying bitterness around with me anymore, like a heavy backpack full of jagged rocks. 

Your person may not ask for forgiveness. They may not deserve it. And you most definitely won't feel like giving it. But carrying around all that unforgiveness is a burden we aren't meant to carry.

Ask for forgiveness, forgive your person, and then let it go. You'll be glad you did.

Until next time...