Give It a Rest

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I'd just experienced a rough couple of days, and was feeling a bit raw and vulnerable. I was reading through my devotionals, which is now my morning routine. 

Joyce Meyer's app, one of my favorites, had posted the following verse. If you're struggling with anything--if you're feeling tired, if your emotions are like a runaway train, if you're wondering "when will this stop??"--I encourage you to read this verse slowly. Savor every single word.

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me--watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly. --Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message)

When I read this verse, it was like sinking into a hot bubble bath. 

Deep breath. 
Slow exhale. 
Ahh. 

"Unforced rhythms of grace" is so beautiful, isn't it?

It's moments like these when I'm reminded that it's ok that I don't have the answers. It's ok that I'm not wise enough on my own. It's ok that I make a zillion mistakes every day. It's ok. I'm learning the unforced rhythms of grace. 

Grace = unmerited favor. Grace means God fills in my gaps. He walks beside me and protects me and my sons. He comforts me through His presence, or through the presence of others. He's straightening my path.

When He says "Come to me," I must remember that He's not saying, "Come to me when you've got your act together." Or, "Come to me when you're not a jerk." Or, "Come to me when you do everything right." He wants me to come to Him, just as I am. Cracks, warts, sharp edges and all.

If you're anything like me, you try to figure everything out on your own. You try to plan for every contingency. You try to guard yourself against calamity. For decades, I paid for insurance for anything I could insure, and yet I couldn't insure against pain and heartache.

That was my way. And my way doesn't work. I'm slowly learning to do things His way.

Whatever it is you're going through, my hope and prayer is that you'll come to Him and find rest.

Until next time...

Who Encourages the Encourager?

(Photo credit: Christi Gee. Her post "Dear Encourager--3 Things We Want You to Know" is a must read! Such beautiful encouragement for encouragers)

Through this blog, I recently helped myself. Sounds strange, right? Let me explain.

I'd just experienced a very, very bad day. The day before it had been rough as well. The day before, my ex and I had exchanged cruel and heated words. I walked around in a daze, thinking, "Seriously, God? This is what I get? This is how I'm treated? You're joking, right?" The following day, some other stuff happened that left me reeling and traumatized. (Shout out to my sister who dropped everything and comforted me when I needed her the most. My family is amazing.)

Some days I'm strong and kind. Other days I'm weak and cruel. This process of changing from the inside out is not smooth. It's jagged, prickly, and painful.

Anyway, that night the boys and I were decorating our Christmas tree, knowing it would be our last time in this home. They knew what had happened that day and the day before, and we made a pact to put it behind us and have fun. We laughed, we danced, we sang Christmas carols at the top of our lungs. It's as if we were punching difficulty in the face, saying, "Take that!"

After the boxes had been put away, and after the house lights were turned off and only the lights from the tree were glowing, we eventually settled back into our nightly routines. My son sat on one couch, I sat on another. While he checked his phone, I checked my emails.

Sitting in my inbox were my own words from this blog: "After the Drought." I schedule these posts ahead of time, so I'd forgotten about it. I read through my own words, feeling encouraged and strengthened. After experiencing a rough couple of days, this post reminded me that it's temporary. It's seasonal. We won't only survive this turmoil, we'll thrive in the midst of it.

It was a fresh reminder of the roller coaster experience. Up some days, down on others. But on that night, I was thankful for this blog. I was thankful for God's gentle reminder to smile during the roller coaster ride. Yes, I may sometimes get bugs in my teeth, but isn't that better than the alternative? Riding a roller coaster with white-knuckled fear, snarling through the drops, is not a good way to live life. That is not my destiny.

Some days, we're able to encourage others. Other days, we need encouragement. On that day, I was both the encourager and the encouraged. Life is so strange and beautiful.

My hope and prayer is that this blog is helping others. I'm trusting that God is sending the right people here; the people who need it. Heck, even if you're just curious to see how a girl with a wonky situation is doing life on a crazy faith journey. Whatever your reason for reading, I thank you. 

I know one thing for sure--it's helping me.

Until next time...

After the Drought

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In the beginning of a major life trial, we do all that we can to simply survive. Got out of bed today? Check. Loved on my sons and encouraged them? Check. 

Survival equals success on those days. If you're still in survival mode, I strongly encourage you to read James MacDonald's post about Survival.

Thankfully there came a point in my life when I no longer considered it a success to simply survive. No. My definition of success has changed. I'm committed to not only surviving, but thriving. 

Tough times can be described as the wilderness, a valley, a storm. Even a drought. During the drought, we thirst for radical change in our circumstances. We long for desperately needed rain to pour down and quench our parched souls.

I listened to a message by Steven Furtick, entitled Coming Out of the Drought. It was such a great reminder that dry spells don't last forever. During a drought, Furtick points out that we will likely battle enemies like invisibility, insignificance, and intimidation. But hang in there. Rain is coming.

I'm now on a path that I never would've been on had my life gone according to my plan. But you know what? I like this road. I like this me. And even though I face a lot of unknowns, I'll be ok. My sons will be ok. Better than ok...thriving.

If you're in the middle of your desert right now--or your wilderness, or your valley, or your storm--hang in there. Cherish each small cloud that promises rain. Rejoice in every drop of moisture that lands on your tongue. 

Droughts don't last forever. Eventually, rain pours down and quenches what had seemed unquenchable.

"...there is a sound of abundance of rain." 1 Kings 18:41

Until next time...

Thankful for the White Space

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I read a story by Christine Caine, where she talked about one of her experiences at University. Her professor stood before an expansive white board. With a black marker, he drew a small dot in the center of the board. Then he asked the class, "What do you see?"

"A black dot," they answered. Again he asked, "What do you see?" Again, then answered, "A black dot." Finally he said to them, "I see a lot of white space."

It's amazing how we focus so intently on one thing--one bad situation, one hurtful circumstance, one fallen person--and ignore everything else around us. I'm absolutely guilty of that myself. I can focus so much on that black dot until all I see is darkness. Whatever it is we fixate and focus on, that's what becomes prominent our lives.

Caines' story reminded me to fixate instead on all the light in my life. Yes, there are dark things happening in my family. Yes, our circumstances are far from ideal. But there is a heck of a lot of light in our lives. So much white space to be thankful for.

What defines my white space? What am I thankful for this year?

• As always, my amazing sons. They are the greatest blessings in my life. God gave me the grace to raise them well, and they are always at the top of my gratitude list.
• Good health. It's priceless. Without it, our lives would be very different.
• Kind and loving family. Without them, there would be a lot less laughter and comfort in our situation.
• Interesting and adventurous job. I have no idea what the heck I'm doing in this job as a flight attendant, but there is a purpose. I'll enjoy the journey while I figure it out.
• A home with lots of equity. Are me and my boys sad that we must let it go? Absolutely. They were raised here. We built it from nothing but dirt. But I'm thankful for the value in it.
• Cars that run. This is a pet peeve of mine, after being raised in a household where cars broke down all the time. Ours are not perfect, but they run. 
• Faithful and supportive life group. I am so thankful that God led me to these amazing people. They are my prayer warriors and guardian angels.
• Kind friends. When my sons and I look at our lives and the friends we've made--new and not so new--we're blown away. We have no shortage of flourishing friendships.
• Born in the Land of the Free. I'm so thankful that I was born here, in freedom. And I'm thankful for those who protect those freedoms every day.

Whatever life throws our way, there's one thing we can be sure of: there is always, always something to be thankful for. Let's practice focusing not on the black dot, but on the white space.

What are you thankful for? I'd love to know.

Until next time...

The Love Dare

This week I'd like to highly recommend a book--The Love Dare, by Stephen and Alex Kendrick. 

From the back cover:

Though unconditional love is promised at weddings, it is rarely practiced in real life. As a result, romantic hopes often fade into disappointment at home. But it doesn't have to stay that way.

Whether your marriage is hanging by a thread or healthy and strong, this 40-day journey (featured in the hit movie Fireproof) challenges husbands and wives to understand and practice unconditional love. If you desire greater intimacy, friendship, and fulfillment in your marriage, let it begin where millions have started. With a dare.

From the inside flap:

Receive this as a warning.

This forty-day journey cannot

be taken lightly.

It is a challenging and often

difficult process, but an incredibly 

fulfilling one. To take this dare

requires a resolute mind and a

steadfast determination.

It is not meant to be sampled or briefly

tested, and those who quit early will

forfeit the greatest benefits. If you

will commit to a day at a time for forty

days, the results could change your

life and your marriage.

Consider it a dare, from others

who have done it before you.

If your marriage is healthy, this dare can make it ever better.

If your marriage is struggling, this dare can bring new life.

If your marriage is considered doomed, this dare can be the miracle you seek.

My hope and prayer is that you'll read The Love Dare, and put each chapter into action. I also hope you'll take the time to watch Fireproof. I've posted the movie trailer below.

Until next time...

Hit It and Quit It

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Have you ever heard the term, "Hit it and quit it?" I hadn't until I listened to The Problem with Pineapples. In today's dating culture, there are many people who have no desire for a serious relationship. They're just interested in swiping right, then having sex and moving on. Thus the term, "hit it and quit it."

After reading this post, you may think I'm lame, boring, out of it, or whatever. And maybe all of that is true. But I'm ok with that. I am SO thankful that throughout my marriage crisis, I've never given in to the temptation to sleep around. Had I done so, it would've not only further damaged my family, it would've damaged my soul. 

When we're being rejected by the one person who promised to be with us for life, the hurt runs so deep. Instinctively, we may think, "Wait a minute! He's rejecting me. Let me hop in the sack with someone else to prove I've still got it going on."

No matter how desperate your situation is, I beg of you, please don't do this. If you're already doing it, I hope and pray you'll stop and reconsider.

I knew of a couple who kept doing this to each other in a sick cycle of adultery. He cheated on her. Then she cheated on him. Then he cheated on her. It was a sad game of one-upping each other in a very negative way. And they had a child at home!

Kids' hearts are fragile, and so are ours. I'm highly respected by my sons, and their respect is precious to me. No "one night stand," or "swipe right" guy is worth losing that.

Ladies, it's safe to say there are plenty of guys who will pounce on someone who is going through a dark and vulnerable time with her husband. Same with women who have no problem snagging a married man in order to soothe their own loneliness and insecurity. None of it will end well.

Please resist this temptation of seeking love and affection from someone outside your marriage. I can't think of a man or woman who was ever glad they sought validation this way. It only leads to deeper heartache.

Me, I've chosen to bask in the love of the One Who will never leave me nor forsake me. I'm being ever-filled with love, with enough to overflow onto others.

My hope and prayer is that none of us...men or women...will succumb to being the subject of a drive by "hit it and quit it." We're worth much more than that.

Until next time...

Forgive, Pray, Forward

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There's quite a bit of turmoil going on in my family right now. My boys and I, the four of us, are solid. My oldest son says we're like four wheels of a car, moving together in unison. I love that imagery. But where their dad is concerned, there's definitely darkness and division.

Too often in prayer I ramble on and do all the talking. But sometimes, when I stop my rambling (and let's be honest--complaining), I feel as if God is speaking directly to me. Words float in my mind that are not from me. They couldn't be. 

Recently, these words came to me in a moment of quiet listening:

Forgive him

Pray for him

Look forward

Forgive Him

I've blogged about this before. And I'm totally up front with you when I say this is my biggest struggle. Thankfully, I don't have to do this on my own or in my own power. I pray over it. I ask God to help me forgive. I don't want to carry that heavy baggage wherever I go. Does he deserve my forgiveness? That's not the question. Have I been commanded to do it? Yes.

Pray for Him

I've blogged about this before as well. The Bible says, "bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you." (Luke 6:28) This is soooo hard to do (right up there with forgiveness). When my negative thoughts turn to blaming, bitterness, judgement, and anger, that's when I know it's time to shut off that junk and pray for him. Does he deserve my prayer? That's not the question. Have I been commanded to do it? Yes.

Look Forward

Ah, here is where things get interesting. For so long I've been praying for healing and restoration, despite my circumstances. Little by little, though, God has been working on me. He's teaching me to stop looking behind, and to instead look forward. My precious son sent me this verse one day: 

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." 

--Jeremiah 29:11-13

Prosper me, not harm me. Hope and a future. These are gifts that this faith journey has given me. First of all, I've been blessed with a son who sends me that verse! But I've been blessed with this beautiful faith that reminds me to live with expectancy.

Wherever you are in your own journey, whether it's in the beginning--in the "what the heck just happened" phase--or somewhere else down the road, here's my advice: pray. But don't just tell God all your problems. He already knows. Come to Him with your hurts and concerns, and He will give you rest. But also come to Him and listen. Get quiet, and wait. See what He plants in your heart.

Until next time...

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