Love is a Choice

“Love is a choice.”

I’ve heard this statement so many times since my marital struggles began. I’ll likely share multiple versions of this truth, because it’s become so important to me.

Most people think of love as an emotion...a feeling. But emotions are fickle, and feelings change quickly. If we’d treat love as a choice we’re willing to make, marriages would have a stronger chance of survival.

Recently, I heard a great message from Rick Warren. In his message, he did a short comparison between Hollywood’s formula for marriage vs. God’s formula for marriage. It’s entertaining, but it also illustrates the point.

Warren compared it this way:

Hollywood’s formula for marriage

1. Find the right person.
2. Fall in love.
3. Fix all your hopes and dreams on that one person forever.
4. If failure occurs, repeat steps 1-3 as often as necessary.

God’s formula for marriage

1. Instead of finding the right person, become the right person. Build character. Live with integrity.
2. Instead of falling in love, walk in love. Love is a choice, and 100% within our control. If someone says, “I fell out of love with my spouse” it’s because they made the choice to fall in and out of love. Love is the choice to be “other” centered instead of “self” centered.
3. Fix your hope on God, and honor Him through your relationship.
4. If failure occurs, repeat steps 1-3.

I’m not an expert on the subject, obviously, and I for sure don’t have all the answers. But the truth that love is a choice makes such sense to me. We make so many choices as couples...what careers will we pursue? Where will we live? When should we have kids? Will we fight for our marriage, or will we give up--causing ourselves and our children a lot of pain?

Why not make the most important choice of all? To love.

If you’re struggling in your marriage, and you’re feeling as if you’ve fallen out of love with your spouse, I urge you to make the choice to love. Once the choice to love has been made, then you'd search for ways to reconnect, treat your spouse well, and grow closer in the process.

I hope you'll listen to the message in the above link. My hope and prayer is that your marriage will flourish.

Until next time...